GM's stock is under $3. Plenty of talk that they're over. Does that stop you from buying a GM product?

Boy, what do you do when you find yourself in a heap of trouble and your uncle won't help?

We don't know, either, but the U.S. government has denied GM's request for ten thousand million dollars in order to "merge" with Chrysler. We haven't commented on this before now because we figured it was all made up. There is no reason GM should buy Chrysler. Well, no good reason. We bet if this does happen, GM will just end up shutting down Chrysler's production.

Anyway, the issue here is no loan from Uncle Sam to merge two dying companies. What happens next?

Referenced article

NY Times: U.S. Rejects G.M.’s Call for Help in a Merger

So, Frank Rhodes, the grandson of ol' Walt (that Walt would be Walter P. Chrysler) offered a little advice to Chrysler bigwig Bob Nardelli. The advice goes like this (among other bits):

• Develop an inexpensive "people’s car" with "no fancy radio, no air, no frills and EASY to service."

No fancy radio? No air? No frills? Hmm, that adds up to... carry the zero... no sales! Spectacular advice!

He ended the advice with this, "This is a sad period for American history, one of which should be and will be won. I am on your side. Make it work - failure is not an option."

Look, we're comfortable being the one car blog that rarely updates and even rarerly makes any sense, but what in the world do those sentences mean? What should be won? The sad period? Can you win a sad period of American history? He's on whose side? Cerberus (that's where the letter was sent)? Cerberus is a holding company. The plan was always to sell Chrysler. Failure is not an option? Really? It's not only an option, it's likely.

In order to avoid failure, here's some helpful advice for Chrysler:

• When you buy a new Chrysler, a cake is delivered to your house and Summer Glau jumps out and kicks the crap out of you. She yells about the men in blue, how it's "not part of the mission" and just keeps beating you with weak windsheild wipers. And frosting. Lots of frosting.

Pardon us while we go buy a... What's Chrysler even selling these day?

Referenced article
eGMCarTech: Chrysler’s great-grandson writes letter to Cerberus, gives advice

New (to us) site alert! No, not the Alison Krauss with whipped cream site. No, not the Summer Glau literally terminates a chub site. It's a site that shows what folks paid for the cars they bought.

That at least gives you some idea of how well you should be able to negotiate. Here's a good 'un: 2008 Acura TL for $28k.

Go get 'em!

Referenced article
Real Car Tips: Real Car Tips (Thanks to Lifehacker for linky.)

OK, Cars.com came out with a list of "scary" features. And it's so incredibly fail that it should get its own category. Fail. That should be the category. And the lede for this bit would also go into the same category.

Seriously, you gotta be kidding us! Seats and windshield wipers are scary features? How about features that allows the police to control your car? Hey, you, weren't you at the rally about something the current government doesn't like? POW, accelerator limits car to 10 mph. Or, "Hey, that guys look italian. He must be in the mob. Turn on the microphone on in his car." That last one is courtesy of OnStar.

There are surely scary features in cars (here or soon-to-be-coming), but this Cars.com list didn't have one of 'em.

In unrelated news, we are proud to list our Top Two Sexiest Features of Cars! Cars! Cars!

1. One.
2. Two.

Referenced article
From Yahoo! Autos and Cars.com: Top 10 Scariest New Car Features

Finally, a fun car story. We'd so love to be a part of this, but alas we have no:

1. Junker
2. $500 to fix junker up
3. Summer Glau

Anyway, thanks Mr. Alterman. That was a good read.

Referenced Article
NY Times: When Life Hands You Lemons, Race Them

This is just horseshit. We made the vehicles that made us the most profit, didn't invest the moolah in anything but big and it backfired on us, save us. This just goes to show you there is no free market.

What's a good analogy to this story? Ah, how about... What if we sold tickets to our upcoming marriage to Alison Krauss, but she said no* but we didn't have money to refund the tickets because we used the money to buy a lot of viagra. A lot. See? Our "product" failed us so the govment has to bail us out. Does that analogy work? Mmm, Alison. She can restart our stalled chub anytime.

*Yeah, she'd say no. Please. We're so freakin' awesome, she couldn't say no. In fact, that one time she literally couldn't say no so no charges were filed! W00t!

Referenced articles
WSJ: Auto Executives to Seek Government Help

While it may not happen in our lifetime (yeah, you, you old SOB you), it will certainly happen during the lifetimes of the children being born today: Electric cars will get most people from here to there.

And, really, there are no downsides to this. We'll still have road freedom, but we'll have no pollution from the operation of these vehicles. Our nation (and nearly all nations) will no longer be held hostage to those with the fuel needed. Because it will all come from the sun.

Meanwhile, we're busy working on a new sun-ray device that burns off clothes without harming the delish below.

Referenced article

AlterNet: Electric Cars Are the Key to Energy Independence

Sweet!

Sorry if this is old, we just came across it.

Can't any of us travel more than thirty feet without paying for another friggin' toll?

The Bush administration unveiled a plan to impose new tolls on freeways and encourage more private investment to finance road and mass-transit projects...

Between tolls and higher fuel prices, why is anyone driving at all anymore? If all this less driving is happening... think of the oil companies! The poor, poor oil companies. How will they survive?

Meanwhile, we cruised Brooklyn in a 2009 Dodge Challenger. If you see one pass by, you've seen the best part (as in, don't bother sitting inside). It does have an awesome rumble while idling. What's this have to do with anything? Well, we certainly used 86 gallons of fuel racing from one red light to the next. But we were the first ones there! That's right, sucka! First.

Referenced article

Wall Street Journal: Bush Calls for New Highway Tolls, More Private Funding of Roads